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| A group of men dressed in white hugging each other in a field |
We didn't spot many Australian fans at the SCG today. This was not surprising - you would have to be a peculiar sort of masochist to turn up to witness the last rites of this Aussie side (and most likely, the final day of the Test careers of some of its more prominent players).
Predictably, the Sydney Morning Herald ripped mercilessly into their cricketers after the latest horror show yesterday. Here's a selection of the grimmest headlines:
"After 135 years, 730 matches and 417 players, Australia have finally fielded.... our worst XI"
"An embarrassment of historic proportions"
"Clear the decks: Harvey wants Test clear out"
"Axe must fall: no room for Clarke, Hilfenhaus and Johnson"
"Can't bat, can't bowl, can't field and can't even think straight"
And that was just from one newspaper (though admittedly one which, in cricket-mad New South Wales, has to fill a challenging seven pages with Ashes cricket news alone). If the gloves were off after Melbourne, the local press is now armed with knives, swords, sub-machine guns and cutlasses clenched between their teeth.
The last headline has been bubbling under for most of the series and refers to the claim "can't bat, can't bowl, can't field" famously made by the Australian press when England's 1986/87 team began their tour with some ignominious performances in the pre-Test warm-up matches - this was of course the same England team which went on to defeat the Aussies and win the series down under, the last to do so before today. I learnt today that the same quote later became the subject of an Australian cricket scandal when a fringe player called Scott Muller launched a particularly wayward throw over the head of wicketkeeper Adam Gilchrist. The quote, which was picked up by a TV microphone, was officially attributed to an errant cameraman but was believed by many to have been uttered by Muller's teammate, Shane Warne. Naughty boy, that Warnie.
I'm waffling on today about other stuff because there was not much cricket to report on. A heavy morning rain shower and some spirited tail-wagging by Steve Smith and Peter Siddle could only delay the inevitable for so long. When Chris Tremlett bowled last man Michael Beer at one minute to twelve, England's latest innings victory was complete....and with it the series by 3-1.
While the Aussies are now in a real mess, England can look to the future with huge optimism. To win an Ashes series away in Australia is a great achievement by any standard, to win three matches out of the last four played by the margin of an innings and plenty is simply outstanding. England fans should savour this moment, as we may never see its like again.
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