A happy and healthy New Year

....to our family, friends, colleagues and any other readers of this blog.

This New Year our thoughts are with everyone affected by the terrible floods in the North of Australia, which reportedly now cover an area equivalent to the size of Germany, and with the families of two tourists who have drowned just off Penguin Island, near Perth, where we spent a carefree day just 10 days ago.

Best wishes
Richard, Jayne, Annabel & Simon

Winning the Ashes - a pictorial guide



Looking forward to winning the Ashes



About to win the Ashes



 

Winning the Ashes
(not sure whose foot that is)



Happy to have won the Ashes



We're taking the urn home

Melbourne Day 4:  Australia a pitiful 98 & a totally inadequate 258 all out; England a magnificent 513. England win by one whole innings and a splendid 157 runs.

Pure joy. Enough said.

Tomorrow we're going to win the Ashes

Another big crowd at the MCG today

Melbourne Day 3: Australia 98 & 169 for 6, England 513 all out. England need 4 more wickets to win.

On a perfect summer's day in Melbourne, we turned up expecting another day full of runs on what was now a very flat wicket. We were wrong - 11 wickets fell in the day for 238 runs.

England's first innings was over by lunch, with Jonathan Trott continuing yesterday's fine form to reach a magnificent 168 not out. This guy really loves scoring runs against Australia (and we love watching him do it). Matt Prior and Graeme Swann both hit out to good effect, though Prior will have been disappointed to fall 15 runs short of a hundred. After Swann's dismissal, the tail again folded meekly to the Aussie quicks, of whom Peter Siddle emerged with huge credit on his home ground, finishing with 6 wickets. In contrast, Ryan Harris managed to sustain a stress fracture of his foot while running up to bowl - a most unusual achievement. With Mitchell Johnson back to his old wayward self, this will present another selection headache for Australia ahead of the 5th Test in Sydney.

Australia got off to a flyer in their second innings with both Shane Watson and Phil Hughes playing with unexpected freedom given the situation of their team. The 50 came up in less than 10 overs, before Watson did England a huge favour by calling for a suicidal single and running out his opening partner. Strange, he hasn't done that since Adelaide. After that Swann and Bresnan kept things much tighter but Watson and Ponting battled through various scares to advance Australia's score to 99 - thus passing their first innings total for the loss of only one wicket.


A Barmy Army wicket for Jimmy

At this point it all went completely pear-shaped for the Aussies, as the unlikely figure of Tim Bresnan removed Watson, Ponting and the bogeyman Hussey in quick succession. Ponting's dismissal was particularly sweet for Jimmy Savile and the Barmy Army who were half way through their anthem when the Australian skipper's stumps were shattered. Poor Ricky has had a wretched match here after the temporary high of Perth. Even his wallet is lighter following a hefty fine imposed for his misbehaviour on the field yesterday. Whether he will still be captain in Sydney is - not surprisingly - the subject of mounting media speculation here.

Thereafter, England's bowlers exerted a stranglehold which was so strong that Australia scored at a rate of barely 2 runs an over. Further wickets for Swann and Anderson emphasised England's superiority, leaving Australia's innings in renewed disarray at 169 for 6 at the close.

This means that England only need 4 more wickets tomorrow to win this match and retain the Ashes. In practice, they will probably only need to take 3 wickets, given that the injury to Ryan Harris makes it unlikely that he will bat - particularly in a lost cause. With Australia's tail already exposed, it could all be over very quickly in the morning.

A day for Trott and toys out of the pram

The MCG

Melbourne Day 2: Australia 98, England 444 for 5. England lead by 346 runs.

This was another day which went almost entirely the way of the England team. Many moons ago I wrote of England's complete domination of the 2nd Test in Adelaide. England's lead on first innings is now remarkably similar here in Melbourne - except that it has been achieved a whole day earlier than in Adelaide. With no rain forecast for the remaining three days, this really does give England ample time to complete the win that would see them retain the Ashes.

Australia started the day with renewed intent after a (richly deserved) pasting in the national media. Local hero Peter Siddle bowled beautifully to remove both England openers without significant addition to their overnight score, then returned later to dismiss Kevin Pietersen just after he had reached a patient fifty. He even added two fine outfield catches from carelessly played hook shots by Collingwood and Bell - so far the only England batsmen not to reach fifty.

Had Mitchell Johnson not marginally overstepped the no-ball line when persuading Matt Prior to edge a catch at the start of his innings, England's lead may yet have been restricted to 200-250. As it is, Prior and the outstanding Jonathan Trott took full advantage to extend England's lead by the close to a huge 346 runs with five wickets left standing. Trott's hundred was greeted with chants of "easy easy" from certain England fans, but in fact batting was far from easy under the variable cloud cover of the first two sessions and required considerable skill and application to survive - qualities lacking from England's batting in Perth (and certainly from Australia's pitiful performance yesterday) but shown in abundance by Trott throughout the day.

A reprise of the Australian first innings on Day 1

Much of the media comment here tonight is focusing on Ricky Ponting's childish outburst after an appeal for a catch behind against Kevin Pietersen was firstly rejected by the on-field umpire, then again by the third umpire based on the complete lack of any TV evidence of contact with KP's bat. The toys really did come out of the pram. Completely disgraceful behaviour by a man as experienced and respected as Ponting - clearly it is no longer just his little finger which is cracking under pressure.

Tomorrow, I predict that England will bat on until they either reach 600 or are all out. Australia should then fare much better second time round on a wicket which is flattening out in increasingly warm and sunny conditions, ensuring that the game is taken into a fourth day. But as in Adelaide, expect England to keep chipping away, with Graeme Swann likely to take over from the quicks as the key man.

Pinch me I must be dreaming

They start young in the Barmy Army

Melbourne Day 1: Australia 98 all out, England 157 for no wicket. Will this still be true when I wake up tomorrow?

My Day 1 prediction lies in tatters and I don't care. No-one walking to the MCG this morning could have imagined what would unfold before their eyes today. In short, this was the most absurdly one-sided day's cricket in living memory between England and Australia. And that includes when the Aussies were thrashing us for fun throughout the nineties.

Only the members of the esteemed Melbourne Cricket Club must have had a sense of foreboding abour their team's performance today. Their completely inexplicable and disgraceful absence today was responsible for the shortfall of up to 10,000 spectators versus pre-match expectations. Instead of the world record crowd which was predicted in some quarters, the official attendence was just above 85,000. Still an astonishing number but ultimately well shy of a new record.

So, where did all go wrong for Australia? Well, many people have speculated where Australia would be in this series without the batting contributions of Hussey, Watson and Haddin. Today we found out just what can happen when these players fail to score runs. First Chris Tremlett, then Jimmy Anderson and Tim Bresnan all found prodigious swing and seam movement under overcast skies after Andrew Strauss won the toss and invited Australia to bat for the second successive match. The bowlers were backed up by another great display of close catching, with all ten wickets falling to catches behind the wicket, including six taken by England wicketkeeper Matt Prior.

An England performance fit for royalty

Yet by the time England batted from mid-afternoon onwards, the pitch appeared to have lost much of its previous venom, enabling Strauss and Alastair Cook to proceed with relatively few alarms to 157 without loss, with a long day in the field surely awaiting Australia tomorrow as England look to build an enormous lead.

By the time both England openers reached their fifties, the crowd had already dwindled well below 50,000 as the Aussie supporters began to desert their failing team in droves. Others who remained behaved so badly - at least in the vicinity of an understandably triumphant Barmy Army - that they had to be escorted away by the local constabulary. Yes, it was an incredibly bad day for their team but the local supporters are showing themselves to be very poor losers. I intend to return to this theme in more detail in a subsequent post.

Off to the cricket with 90,000 other people

Hot on the heels of Christmas must surely come the Boxing Day Test in Melbourne. One of the truly great dates in the sporting calendar. And never greater than when it's Australia versus England with the Ashes at stake.

Upwards of 90,000 people are expected to watch Day 1 tomorrow at the MCG. There could even be a record crowd at a cricket match. Ever. Now that would really be something to write home about.

On the field, it is clear that the gloves are now off. With the series standing at 1-1 with only two to play, expect a close-fought, nervy encounter over the next five days. As both teams' batsmen are under pressure to perform after recent failures, I am predicting a cautious start by whichever team wins the toss and decides to bat first. In contrast to the first day of all three preceding matches this series, this could make for a relatively uneventful day's cricket on the pitch. The sort of day which ends at 260 for 4 or thereabouts.

Merry Christmas

...to all readers of this blog.

Best wishes
Richard, Jayne, Annabel & Simon

Rant

A three and a half hour flight from Perth to Melbourne today enabled me to catch up with the cream of Australian sports journalism. Fortunately that left the remaining three and a quarter hours to catch up with such cultural delights as Simon's new Nintendo DS games and more episodes of Mr Bean than I thought the world would ever need.

With around three pages to fill each day on the subject of the Ashes alone, panic is understandably foremost in the psyche of most sport journos down under. This may not be quite so prominent during the matches themselves, when at least two pages can be devoted to the previous day's action, but in the downtime between Tests, it becomes a real issue. Hence some tried and tested "Polly Filler" techniques are required:

1.  Interview with has-been Australian Test cricketer: Always a sure fire winner, this is designed to provide lucid, insightful comment by a household name. Or if not, at least it will fill half a page. Today it was the turn of Jeff "Thommo" Thomson, famously the scourge of England's batsmen back in the seventies. Thommo, now 60, has evidently matured slowly from his tearaway days, as his half a dozen pronoucements - mainly aimed at the fragility of England's batting - all seemed to revolve around the word "shit" (or "s**t", as reported by the prudish West Australian). I mean, can't the man express himself without resorting to four letter words? What a tw*t.

2. Recycling an article from another newspaper: Another half page was taken up by quoting what seemed to be an entire article published in a British newspaper by England wicketkeeper batsman Matt Prior. This was deemed to be of deep national interest because it dealt with one of the topical subjects of the moment - the "sledging"* between the two sides which is alleged to have occurred during the Perth Test. Guys, you really are way behind the times - I pointed this out in one of my first blog entries back in November "Snow, sledging and Mr Cricket".

3. Doing a topical issue to death: Or in this particular case, three topical issues: sledging (see above), the likely state of the Melbourne wicket and the likely state of Ricky Ponting's broken little finger. These tiresome topics accounted for over 90% of the content of today's cricket reporting. What's more, it appears to be compulsory for the whole of the Australian media to refer to their captain's injured digit as "Ponting's pinkie". Evey bloody time. In fact the issue of the pinkie is irrelevant: I agree with the TV report tonight which opined that "Ponting's finger would actually have to fall off to prevent him playing at Melbourne".

Here endeth the rant of the day. Tomorrow we are going on a day trip down the Great Ocean Road - in our case on a tourist bus rather than the more glamorous modes of transport favoured by Kevin Pietersen, Shane Warne and an actress of the dress-held-together-by-safety-pins persuasion.

* Explanation for non-cricket fans: Sledging = verbal abuse of an opponent during play (and I bet you thought cricket was a sport played by gentlemen)

Reflections on defeat

As promised, here are some further reflections on England's defeat in the 3rd Test:

1. Even though this is one of the better England cricket teams of modern times - a team which is also very professionally coached and generally well captained - there always seems to be one match in a Test series in which the team does not perform to its own high standards. This happened at home against Australia in 2009 (bowled out for 102 on the first day at Headingley, losing by an innings and 80 runs) and once again only four months ago against a poor Pakistan side (lost by 4 wickets at the Oval). Both matches were characterised by batting collapses similar to those experienced in Perth. The key point is that in both cases the team was able to bounce back straight away by winning the following game. There is no reason why this should not be the case again here.

2. There is no doubt that the Perth wicket suited Australia far more than England - and always has done on previous tours. The four Aussie fast bowlers consistently recorded speeds of 140 km/h whereas England's three seamers were generally nearer 130. Regularly achieving 10 km/h more on a fast bouncy wicket can make a huge difference at this level. Moreover, the potency of England's world class spinner Graeme Swann appeared to be negated by the surface - to the extent that he was barely used during Australia's second innings. Neither Melbourne nor Sydney are likely to provide surfaces which are as fast or bouncy as Perth - whatever the last ditch efforts of the groundsmen to favour the home side.

3. In Test cricket it is a truism that three days of good performances can be undone by an hour or so of poor play. But England's problem in Perth was that they delivered numerous passages of play, each of which could have lost them a tight Test match. I counted at least six:
- letting Australia reach 268 on Day 1 after winning the toss and reducing them to 68 for 5
- collapsing from 78 for 0 to 98 for 5 in a crazy hour before lunch on Day 2
- after a partial recovery to 181 for 6, losing their last four wickets for only 6 runs
- making it so easy for Watson and Hussey to put the match all but out of England's reach on Day 3
- collapsing again at the end of Day 3 to 81 for 5 after the bowlers had given England a sniff of a chance
- capitulating embarrassingly in only 45 minutes on Day 4 to be bowled out in a pitiful 37 overs.
While this is not a silver bullet, I fully agree with the clamour for Ian Bell to bat higher than number six at Melbourne - a straight swap with Paul Collingwood at five looks to be the least disruptive solution.

Comments please.

Miracle cancelled, disciples head for the beach

Some spare time for a walk in the park

Perth Day 4: England 123 all out. Australia win by 257 runs.

Walking to the WACA ground this morning, I almost succeeded in convincing myself that England's remaining batsmen would show some fight and hold out at least until lunch. Maybe the in-form Ian Bell would even hit a quickfire hundred to cheer the spirits (at this stage I'd actually have taken a really dull 50).

But as soon as play resumed, England's capitulation continued apace and - embarrassingly - it was all over before the first drinks interval. This meant that the cost of cricket per minute for the average spectator in the ground today was in the region of one Aussie dollar (or an eighth of a pint of beer).

This time Ryan Harris assumed the mantle of chief destroyer, taking a superb 6 for 47. Plentiful assistance was again provided by England's batsmen who continued to perfect an unhelpful tendency to miss balls aimed at their wickets (and yes, non-cricket fans, you guessed right that this is fairly fundamental). Some balls hit the pads, others simply knocked the stumps clean out of the ground - in the case of Jimmy Anderson's dismissal, almost impaling Aussie wicketkeeper Brad Haddin on the fourth cartwheel. Which would have been unfortunate, as even the Barmy Army doesn't dislike Mr Haddin quite that much.

In summary, England were completely stuffed in this game. This continues a sequence of complete stuffings at the WACA which dates back to the early eighties. All by huge margins. Maybe we were entitled to believe this match might be different given the apparent form and momentum of both sides going into this match. But in the end it was not to be, as Australia came back from the living dead to produce a really top class performance - one made all the more remarkable by the fact that three of their top line batsmen (Hughes, Ponting and Clarke) barely contributed a run.

So, where do England go from here? Further reflections will follow in the next day or so. Meanwhile Day 5 of this Test will be spent on the beach.

So here it is Merry Christmas (Australia)

Christmas time at the WACA

Perth Day 3: Australia 268 & 309 all out, England 187 & 81 for 5 oh no not again

It was fancy dress Saturday at the WACA and unsurprisingly the theme revolved around Christmas. Except for the guys who always come dressed as women of course. Some things never change, particularly the copious chest hair.

On the pitch it was as if Christmas had come early for Australia as England gifted them five top order wickets in the last two hours of play to leave the tourists hopelessly adrift at today's close. Now only a miracle can stop Australia winning tomorrow and pegging the series back to 1-1 with two to play.

England's hope of early wickets to atone for their poor performance on Day 2 failed to materialise under a perfect Perth sky. Both Shane Watson (95) and Michael Hussey (116) again made batting look ridiculously easy on a surface which has so far seen 35 wickets fall in only three days play. Hussey in particular continues to be a nasty thorn in England's side as he reached a sixth consecutive score of over 50 - the first man in Ashes history to achieve this. Despite finding his limpet-like presence at the crease incredibly irritating, the Barmy Army sportingly rose as one man to applaud another superb hundred. Quite amazing consistency from the Huss.

I wrote yesterday that England would need to find a hero of their own to match Mitchell Johnson's feats with bat and ball. Finally, in the afternoon session, we found our man in the guise of the giant Chris Tremlett who took his first 5 wicket haul in Tests to reduce Australia from a commanding 252 for 4 to 309 all out. And nobody in our row believed me when I called 310 as the final Australian total once they lost their fifth wicket. Nor was my prediction yesterday too shabby that England would be set 380-400 to win - the target is smack in the middle at 391.

History tells us of course that such high totals are rarely achieved in the 4th innings of a Test match. And certainly not by England. Yet England's recovery with the ball this afternoon, combined with their imperious batting performances in Brisbane and Adelaide, encouraged a romantic belief that this total may not be out of reach. After all, there were still two days and two hours to go in this game. And surely this England team could not bat quite so badly twice in one match.

But naive hope soon turned to crushing disappointment as, one by one, the England batsmen gave away their wickets in the short time which remained today. This appeared not to be due to good bowling, as in the first innings, but simply poor application and shot selection. Put bluntly, England's batsmen have not turned up for this match, which has been hugely disappointing after their earlier domination in this series. How quickly things can turn around at this level if you take your eye off the ball for a minute or two.

So, we will duly turn up tomorrow morning for a jolly good sing-song and to administer the last rites on this pitiful England performance (not forgetting a really good Australian one, of course). More importantly, I will be going to the airport in mid-afternoon to pick Jayne, Annabel and Simon up from their flight from Singapore. After three weeks away on my own, I can't wait to see them again.

Too hot to handle global warming

As we arrived at the WACA ground today, an enthusiastic group of people were demonstrating vehemently against global warming. This provoked some discussion during the opening session.

Conscientious guy next to me: "I really agree with what they stand for. I'd like to take a photo of those guys. Do you think they'll still be there this afternoon?"

Sceptic in row behind: "Naah, it'll be far too hot for them by then".

Pride before a fall

Perth Day 2: Australia 268 & 119 for 3, England 187 all out omigod, Australia lead by 200 runs wheredidthatcomefrom

Somewhat delayed blog today as sorrows were abundant and needed to be drowned. And they were.

Well, they say pride comes before a fall and we were jolly proud to be 78 for no wicket less than an hour after the start of today's play in Perth. Strauss and Cook were batting like a million Aussie dollars (which these days will buy you at least an evening of drinks for a few mates, maybe even a curry). It looked like they would never get out. It looked like we were going to win the Ashes before Christmas. Which has never ever happened in the history of the world.

Will Bill play? Yes, right in front of me

We even stood up to applaud England's 1,200th run for the last 6 wickets which had fallen to Australian bowlers since the first day of the series. This was surely the new reality. The new order. Perhaps the start of a decade of English domination over the old enemy.

Then suddenly it all went completely pear-shaped. 78-0 to 98-5 in a horrific half hour for England, then a painful, somehow inevitable descent to 187 all out. The destroyer - Mitchell Johnson, a man who was so embarrassingly bad at  Brisbane that England fans rejoiced at his recall for this match. Here in Perth he has so far hit 62 (still the highest score by any batsman) and taken 6 for 38. If his batting yesterday was astonishingly good, then his bowling today was simply outstanding. By common consensus within the Barmy Army, it was a privilege to witness bowling of such sustained pace and accuracy - even if it was unleashed against our own side. One of the truly great spells of fast bowling you could ever hope to see.

So I will lament no more the predictable nature of this series. Today cricket became gloriously unpredictable again - even if it was at England's expense.

Going into Day 3, Australia resume effectively on 200 for 3 wickets - not a bad position having been 69 for 5 shortly after lunch on Day 1. My prediction for Day 3, hopefully not quite such a lazy one, is that Australia will lose wickets regularly to a wounded, fighting English team but still set England a fourth innings target of around 380-400.

To be honest, after being so comprehensively outplayed on Day 2, it will now be really tough for England to avoid defeat here - but that's what we thought in Brisbane. What is clear is that someone on the English side will have to match Johnson's feats with ball and bat - so far this has not been in evidence, but there's still a lot of cricket left in this game.

Identikit Cricket

'Jimmy Savile' in full flow on Day 1

Perth Day 1: Australia 268 all out, England 29 for 0

England confounded my 'smart money' tip by selecting Chris Tremlett, not Tim Bresnan, to replace Stuart Broad. Possibly this was on the basis that the "better than his Dad" chant could be applied equally to him, given that his father Tim also played county cricket but never represented England. Or more likely it was because the 6' 7" (2.01m) Tremlett stands a whole foot higher than Australia's recalled opening batsman Phil Hughes and would therefore look really scary when running into bowl.

Apart from that, my prediction for the opening day of the 3rd Test proved pretty accurate. Andrew Strauss duly won an important toss and invited Australia to have first use of a bouncy pitch. I expected the Aussies to put up more of a fight this time and so it (sort of) proved. Here they took 45 minutes to lose their first three wickets compared to the 14 minutes they managed in Adelaide.


Australia in trouble again at 69 for 5


But here in Perth it got much worse before it got better. Shortly after lunch Australia slumped to 69 for 5, with the selection of Tremlett proving to be an inspired one as he contributed 3 wickets in two excellent spells. Yesterday's fielding practice also paid off, with Paul Collingwood taking an absolute blinder to catch Ponting (nothing seems to be going right for Ricky), then Strauss and later Swann snaffling sharp chances at slip.

From there things finally started to look up for Australia as usual suspects Hussey and Haddin again showed much more grit than their top order colleagues to give the home score a veneer of respectability. The surprise package was Mitchell Johnson, who batted astonishingly well to top score with 62, and the tail later wagged to good effect to drag Australia's total up to 268. England may well feel this was an opportunity missed to dismiss their opponents for under 200 but despite this the Australian score again looks below par, as emphasised by the largely untroubled progress of openers Cook and Strauss to 29 without loss by the close.

The bizarre thing is that today's play was virtually identical to the opening day at Adelaide - Australia bat first, the top order collapses, Hussey and Haddin partially recover the situation, then all out for a score which appears far too low. Even more oddly, the score today was almost exactly the same as the first day's score in Brisbane - only in reverse (England 260 all out, Australia 25-0). And there's me thinking that one of the joys of cricket is its unpredictability.

If this really is Identikit Cricket, then tomorrow's outcome should be easy to predict - a large England total which overtakes Australia's by around 80-100 runs by close of play. So that's what I'm going for. However, I still think it will be tougher going for England than in Adelaide and there will be a clatter of wickets at some point in the day.

Back to the serious stuff

The WACA at noon today

Less than 24 hours now until the start of the Third, and possibly decisive, Test match in Perth.

The possible outcomes are crystal clear:
(1) If England win again, then they go 2-0 up in the series and the Ashes are retained.
(2) If Australia win, then it's back to 1-1 and all to play for in Melbourne and Sydney.
(3) If it's a draw, that would be a bit dull but still very much in England's favour, as the Aussies would then need to win both of the last Tests to win back the Ashes.

No wonder Ricky Ponting was talking up Australia's chances at yesterday's press conference. This could be his last chance. If England win here, he will have lost 3 out of 4 Ashes series to England as captain and one of the Barmy Army's favourite Punter taunts may well come true: "Morning, you're getting sacked in the morning".

Down at the WACA today, the England squad again looked mean and focused as they took fielding practice very seriously in the heat of the noonday sun. By contrast, the Australian players were coming and going in dribs and drabs. Just a snapshot at a moment in time but maybe a telling one. A good smattering of England supporters were in the ground to soak up the pre-match atmosphere, among them current Perth Glory striker Robbie Fowler and famous ballroom dancer Darren Gough.

The smart money here is on Tim Bresnan to replace Stuart Broad as the one (enforced) change to England's line-up. Broad's injury is a shame in many ways, not least because his BA song was one of my favourites from Adelaide: "He's big, he's bad, he's better than his Dad*, Stuart Broad, Stuart Broad". 


Wishful thinking from the WACA scoreboard operators

Despite the chaos in which the Australian team and selection policies currently find themselves, I have a sneaking suspicion that they will put up a much better fight here in Perth. I also cannot see England playing quite as well as in Adelaide. I predict another low first innings score on a lively pitch on Day 1 - which makes winning the toss key.

* Stuart Broad's Dad is of course Chris Broad, currently a Test match referee but formerly an England opening batsman who scored some big hundreds against Australia in the 1980s.

Of Kangaroos and Kalgoorlie

Kangaroo Island: some truly Remarkable Rocks

After six days touring, I'm now back in the big city - specifically Perth, host to the Third Test starting on Thursday. Here's a brief run-down of my experiences in the meantime:

Kangaroo Island:  Even if Oprah decided to give it a miss, a tour of this huge but unpopulated island is worth at least a day or two out of a largely city-based schedule. Approximately 3 hours by coach and ferry from the centre of Adelaide (or a very short flight), KI is easily accessible but far enough removed from mainland life to generate an inner calm as soon as you step onto its shores.  As well as providing a home to some of the iconic species of Australian wildlife, the island also features some spectacular – but relatively little known – sights, such as the Remarkable Rocks and the Admiralty Arch.

Despite getting up close and personal with sea lions, seals, koalas, wallabies and an iguana during my guided tour of the island, I was beginning to think that the only kangaroo I was destined to see on Kangaroo Island would be a dead one in the middle of the road.  But no – my guide Keith skillfully waited till the afternoon heat had dissipated before taking me to a deserted stretch of farmland which had been taken over by – quite literally – hundreds upon hundreds of kangaroos as far as the eye could see.  Breathtaking stuff!

I stayed at the Kangaroo Island Seafront Resort at Penneshaw, a short hop from the ferry terminal. Straightforward comfortable accommodation with an ocean view, supplemented by an excellent restaurant managed by an exiled Brit called Richard, one of island's 4,500 residents.  The hotel is also a stone's throw from one of the island's premier attractions – the "Little Penguins" which live on Penneshaw's beach and are best viewed after nightfall.  Incidentally, their name until recently was "Fairy Penguins" but this was no longer deemed an acceptable name for modern times – now that really is political correctness gone mad.

Adelaide foothills and McLaren Vale: After returning from KI, I enjoyed a convivial weekend with Sally, Fiacre and Ronan at their home in the Adelaide foothills (thanks guys!). This included a tour of some of McLaren Vale's finest vineyards, a thoroughly agreeable way to spend a Saturday afternoon, followed by an informal neighbourhood party where I found the Adelaide people without exception warm and inviting (unlike the weather which had suddenly turned decidedly British). On the Sunday, we did a whistle stop tour of some of Adelaide's beaches. Turning off the main road towards Hallett Cove, we rather unexpectedly had to give way to a kangaroo hopping down the middle of the other carriageway, apparently on its way to a Christmas shopping outing in downtown Adelaide.  If that's not quintessentially Australian, I don't know what is.

Nullarbor Plain: 2,000 kms of this view

Indian Pacific:  The experience of travelling from Adelaide to Perth by train was both awe-inspiring and surreal. From the vastness of the Australian continent to the sheer desolation of the 2,000 kilometres across Nullarbor Plain, this was an unmissable travel experience. Nullarbor literally means "no tree" but in reality there was no tree, no water, no anything at all. At one point we passed a former prisoner of war camp - possibly one of a kind in that it had no fences to deter escape (the prospect of certain death on the Nullarbor Plain was deterrent enough).

Aside from several waits at a passing point to let a freight train go by in the other direction (the railway is single track only), the only two scheduled stops were at Cook and Kalgoorlie. Cook was once a thriving outback town with its own school and hospital, but today exists only to service the rail traffic – effectively a ghost town, with dire warnings issued against entering its motley collection of condemned buildings. By contrast, Kalgoorlie remains a hive of gold-mining activity despite being long past its heyday of the early 20^th century. However, judging from the barmaids' outfits at one of the local hostelries, there must be a severe shortage of cotton and denim affecting the town.

Accommodation on the train ranges from "red" or economy seats (on which two nights need to be spent) to gold or platinum cabins with silver-service dining cars and lounge areas. I had the good fortune to be upgraded from a single to a double cabin all to myself.  One cautionary note though – this is not a good option for anyone with the slightest hint of impatience to get to their final destination or who would rather not listen to serial life stories of elderly folk over breakfast, lunch and dinner.  But overall, I would give the Indian Pacific experience a big thumbs up.

Now I have crossed half a continent to arrive in Perth, I feel ready for the comforts of a city hotel again. Since arriving I have learned that Perth is geographically closer to Singapore than it is to Sydney and that you could fit the equivalent of 13 United Kingdoms into the state of Western Australia alone. This is not a small country.

The Indian Pacific

The Indian Pacific at Cook (Population: 4)

Just a quick warning of likely radio silence till Tuesday, as I am just about to board the Indian Pacific from Adelaide to Perth. Renowned as one of the world's great train journeys, the Indian Pacific traverses the vast Nullarbor Plain, taking around 40 hours and 2 nights to reach its destination. The route also includes the world's longest completely straight section of track - covering 478 kilometres.

As some of the largest towns en route only have a population of "4 humans and about a zillion flies" (to quote my cousin Steph, who lives in Perth), it seems unlikely that the wireless networks will be particularly well developed. So blogging may be out of the question. Reading a good book while sipping a glass of chilled white wine and occasionally gazing out at the animals bounding across an endless desert sunset, on the other hand, will be positively encouraged.

Oprah Winfrey will definitely not be on the train, as far as I know. Not sure about her fan club though. Anyhow, judging from the people sat in the waiting room with me, my presence will lower the average age of the passengers by a considerable margin. And it's not very often these days I can claim that.

Fisticuffs, Bradman and the Toon

You're right - there's no connection whatsoever between these topics, but here's a quick pot pourri of observations that have come to mind in the last 3 days since the cricket ended:

1. Not sure if this made the news back in Europe, but The Australian reported gleefully on an outbreak of fisticuffs in the Adelaide Oval car park shortly after England had sealed victory in the Second Test. Just some youngsters who have a bit too much to drink? Or an Aussie backlash against some Barmy Army taunts which had gone a bit too far? Absolutely not. The culprits were old age pensioner and former Australian captain Ian Chappell (67) and knight of the realm and well known fisherman Sir Ian Botham (55). Some argument over ancient history dating back to the late seventies, since when they have not been on speaking terms. Sort it out, guys!

2. Before leaving Adelaide for Kangaroo Island, I made a ritual visit to the Sir Donald Bradman museum. To cut a long story short, Bradman remains the greatest ever batsman ever to play cricket and finished his career with a Test match batting average that is written indelibly on many a cricket fan's memory - 99.94. Equally well known is that Bradman only needed 4 runs in his final innings to finish his career with an average of 100 - but he made 0, bowled by a English chap named Eric Hollies who is famous for this reason alone. Someone told a Bradman anecdote during the cricket which tickled me, so I thought it worthy of a wider audience (sorry guys, I can't remember if it was John, Dave or Jon but I suspect we can rule out the lovely 'Helga'):

During the early nineties, England came to Australia with one of their weakest ever bowling attacks who were repeatedly put to the sword by the Aussie batsmen (see also my earlier entry "Snow, sledging and Mr Cricket"). Elder statesman Bradman was interviewed on this subject on TV:

Interviewer: Sir Don, how many runs do you believe you would average against the current England bowling attack.

Bradman: Most likely 50 to 60.

Interviewer: But how can that be? You averaged almost a hundred in Tests and everyone's calling this the worst bowling attack the Poms have ever brought to Australia....

Bradman: That's true enough, but you've got to remember I am over 80 years old.

3. These days it takes a lot to suprise me in the crazy world of football (or "soccer" as everyone here calls it to avoid confusion with the hallowed Aussie Rules Football). For example, last week's shenanigans over the choice of host nations for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups barely registered a raised eyebrow, so predictable was this latest FIFA "shocker".

But what has been going on this week at Newcastle United really takes the biscuit:
- Sacking Chris Hughton as manager in the first place: bonkers (as my friend Paul, exiled Geordie in New York, put it: apparently he was sacked for winning the Championship, getting a weak team to mid-table and beating some big clubs along the way).
- Appointing Alan Pardew in his place: barking mad (Pardew, as a failed former manager of West Ham and Charlton, needs no introduction to many readers of this blog)
- Giving Pardew a five and half year contract: seriously insane.

Comments please (don't hold back Glenn).

Me 'n' Oprah on KI

'The number of inhabitants of Kangaroo Island was  boosted yesterday by two tourists - me and Oprah Winfrey. For some reason, Oprah's visit received a bit more media attention than mine. But then again she probably didn't get to see a cuddly koala in a tree (though she may well be better than me at spelling "kangaroo").

More on KI to follow. 

Off to Kangaroo Island

With the excitement of the cricket over until December 17th in Perth, I am heading out of the city today for two nights on Kangaroo Island, Australia's equivalent of the Galapagos Islands. KI is the third largest island in Australia, 150 km in length with 450 km of coastline. It is home to only 4,500 humans but many species of wildlife. With the din of the Barmy Army still ringing in my ears, it will be nice to get some peace and quiet for a change!

KP - from Lady Gaga to loveable pie chucker

I don't want to bang on about it, but just how important was Kevin Pietersen's last ball dismissal of Michael Clarke yesterday evening?

Answers on a postcard please (or leave a comment on this website, if you want it to arrive by Christmas):
1) Vital - The supremely talented "Pup" could have got 200 today and saved his team from defeat
2) Irrelevant - his teammates are so inept, it wouldn't have mattered
3) I don't care - we beat the bastards
4) Look in the book.

At the post-match ceremony, KP was duly awarded "Man of the Match". Previously regarded as highly talented but unloveable - a sort of cricketing Lady Gaga - KP now seems to be fully in touch with his sensitive side. Albeit in the euphoria of victory, he gave a very engaging post-match interview in which he described himself as a "bit of pie chucker" as a bowler and, more tellingly, acknowledged the progress England have made in the last 18 months since he "lost the captaincy" (his words) and the role he now enjoys playing within a winning team.

As well as being a complete and utter triumph from start (oh, what a start!) to finish for the whole England team, this match could yet prove to be an epiphany for the complex talent that is Kevin Pietersen. His 227 was both ímperious and mature - a masterpiece of batsmanship. The surprise wicket of Clarke was the icing on the cake.

Today's post-match prediction is that KP will become an even better player for England in the next five years than he has been in the last five. I hope I am right because that would be a truly awesome prospect.

We're singing in the rain

A liitle wet outside PJs today

Adelaide Day 5: Australia 304 all out. England win by an innings and 71 runs. AN INNINGS AND 71 RUNS!!!

It's what we had all feared. At precisely 2pm, it started to rain in Adelaide like it had never rained for ten years. And I am just quoting the locals sat at the next table at the oyster bar next to PJ O'Brien's, the Barmy Army HQ (right).

It's what we had all hoped. At precisely 11.20am, Graeme Swann took his fifth and final magnificent, beautiful, magical wicket to see England to victory. Let it rain!

As it transpired, all Australia had to do was bat out one single session up to lunch, with six wickets in hand, in order to save this Test. Then the heavens would have opened and you could not have played cricket again for several days, let alone before the scheduled close today.

Yet this task proved completely beyond them from the moment Michael Hussey played one of the worst shots of the series so far to gift England his and Australia's most valuable wicket. The beauty of it was the ball spent so long in the air and was so obviously going to be caught that all the England supporters were already on their feet and celebrating as the ball came down to rest in Jimmy Anderson's safe hands. At that moment, we knew the match was ours. Whatever the weather.

Yyyyeooooooooooooorageueueeeezqhhhhhhhhhhhhquiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

We did it!

It's all down to the weather

More rain overnight in Adelaide but at 7am it's currently dry and quite clear. But unfortunately we have one of those odd-looking skies which makes you think the next storm cannot be too far away.

From my perspective England did everything right again yesterday (with the possible exception of an off day from Jimmy Anderson). You had to expect some sort of Aussie fightback with the bat, as it's still a very good pitch and their players are fighting to save both the Test and, in some cases, their careers.

Clarke's unbelievable dismissal just before the close to KP (Test bowling average around 150) was a hammer blow for Australia. It's "only" one wicket, but I have written before about the thin margins between success and failure in top level sport. Going into the final day only 3 wickets down and Clarke 80 not out would have given them what looked like a fighting chance, whereas now the long Aussie tail is looming large in England's sights.

The only reason England will not win this Test on Day 5 will be the weather or some truly exceptional batting, of which the former is likely to prove the greater threat.

Almost there

Are they human...or Morris dancer?

Adelaide Day 4: Australia 245 & 238 for 4, England 620 for 5 declared. Australia are 137 runs behind with 6 wickets remaining.

Contrary to last night's consensus that England would declare overnight, Strauss decided to bat on this morning with the objective of scoring some quick runs against the demoralised Australian bowling attack. It was a strategy which paid handsome dividends as England were able to add a further 69 runs in only 9 overs, thus extending their lead to a massive 375. Ian Bell again batted beautifully - what a class act he has become in the last 12 months.

As expected, there followed a much better second innings performance by Australia, with Watson and Clarke in particular batting very well. But England did indeed chip away at the Aussie wickets, the highlight being Swann's double to pick up Katich and Ponting in quick succession. KP's unexpected cameo with the ball at the very end may well prove decisive as he bagged the vital wicket of Clarke. (It was so unexpected by me that I had already left the ground to avoid the crowds, but the resultant cheer left me in no doubt what had happened).

What was noticeable from my more elevated position in the Chappell stands was the consistent excellence of England's fielding. The catching and ground fielding has been light years better than Australia's. Very impressive.

Prediction for Day 5 (assuming no rain): England to win in mid-afternoon by 9 or 10 wickets. If there is rain, it's anyone's guess. Either way, Australia continue to look in disarray and will most likely make wholesale changes to their team for the next Test in Perth.

It's a beautiful day

Just woke up and drew aside the curtains fearing the worst from the unpredictable Adelaide weather. But no, the clouds have disappeared and we have a beautiful cloudless sky. Come on England!

Advance warning (mainly to Brian, who I know will be on my case) that today's close of play blog will be somewhat delayed by the fact I have been invited to have dinner with Sally, Fiacre and Ronan at their gorgeous home in the Adelaide foothills.

In the meantime I will leave you with a photo of a representative cross-section of England flags displayed yesterday at the Adelaide Oval.

Rain stopped annihilation

"Jimmy Savile" - just before his removal by the constabulary

Adelaide Day 3: England 551 for 4, 306 runs ahead. Rain stopped play at tea.

The Sunday papers here led with a picture of Aussie captain Ricky Ponting looking imploringly to the heavens. The inevitable headline: "Pray for rain". Well, Punter got his wish during the tea break when the rain did indeed set in for the day - but not before England had inflicted further pain on his pitiful bowling attack.

After my day of abstinence on Saturday (and a much needed early night to see off the last of my jet lag), I was back in the thick of the Barmy Army today. Standing room only again, though the number of locals daring to show their faces seemed to be in terminal decline. Delighted to hear early on that Steve managed to pick me out on the Sky coverage back in Germany!

Some Day 3 trivia: until his dismissal for 148 early today, Alastair Cook had spent all but one hour of the series so far on the field of play. He certainly deserved a rest. More interestingly, even the Aussies are starting to draw comparisons with legendary South Australian (and greatest ever Test batsman) Don Bradman - apparently both players scored the same number of Test centuries (15) by the tender age of 26.

But enough of Cook (and the Aussies certainly have had), the truncated day belonged to Kevin Pietersen with a double century which was as disclipined as it was commanding. The first double century I have seen live since my mum took me to the Oval to see Dennis Amiss score one off Holding and Roberts in 1976 - now there's a piece of trivia to be reckoned with. Amazingly, it was also KP's first hundred of any kind for 19 months - which may explain (but not excuse) the orgasmic squeal he emitted on reaching three figures.

So quickly did England score in the opening session that the Barmy Army was in danger of becoming prematurely hoarse from the chants of "Four more to the Eng-er-land". It took the belated appearance of Jimmy Savile* in mid-afternoon to get the singing started again. But alas, after only one rendition of the BA anthem, he was led away by members of the local constabulary, presumably for inciting a crowd to have a good time. Absurdly heavy-handed policing by Adelaide's finest. The cheers which greeted Jimmy's return around 20 minutes later (after a jolly good ticking off) almost overshadowed those for KP's 200.

Regrettably, there was no sign today of two characters who amused us so much on Day 1:
- "Mr Angry" in the purple shirt, an Aussie fan who was so incensed by the mere presence of the BA in his own backyard that steam was coming out of his head (you know, the sort that is definitely visible after 10 beers)
- The respectable-looking, middle aged BA fan who decked an Aussie for insulting the Queen, then cunningly disguised himself from the police by donning a Batman costume that just happened to be lying around.

And so to my Day 4 prediction: now more difficult to call due to the threat of rain, but I'm going for an early England declaration with a lead of 400, then Anderson, Broad and Swann to chip away and leave England on the brink of a win going into Day 5.

* Apparently his real name is Vic, but I did have difficulty convincing an ageing Australian hippy that he had never actually presented Top of the Pops.

It's the England batting, captain, but not as we know it

Adelaide Day 2: England 317 for 2, 72 runs ahead

Having attempted to write yesterday's blog after consuming unfeasible quantities of beer with the Barmy Army, I decided to take things much easier today. I reasoned that it would be a big advantage if my eyes could actually focus on the screen while writing.

As forecast, a good good night was certainly had by all who celebrated England's successful first day at PJ O'Briens (including singing along raucously to the Black Eyed Peas track with that particular lyric). Why our group then ended up in a Belgian bar is a mystery which will remain forever unsolved - the last thing we needed at that stage was a strong Trappist beer. I blame Jon Neal (who wouldn't?).

Before moving to Day 2 of the cricket, here's some left-over trivia from Day 1: The crowd of over 38,000 was apparently the highest at a cricket match at the Adelaide Oval since 1950 - at least according to an Australian relative of Andy Pye, a member of my old cricket club in the UK whom I encountered at a set of traffic lights on the way to the ground. I'm not sure whether this is right, but the ground yesterday was certainly full to bursting. And it was certainly the first time I had ever stood up for the whole day at a cricket match. My colleague Steve, watching the first session on TV back in Germany, emailed me for a description of what I was wearing so that he could look out for me in the crowd. I replied that it was so full I couldn't even spot myself.

The second piece of trivia was that yesterday was officially Australia's worst start to a Test match. Ever. Today's local newspaper headline screamed "14 minutes to Ashes disaster". Funny, it  had seemed quicker than that to me but I suppose there was a lot of walking to and from the pavilion to take into account.

And so to Day 2: while Northern Europe continues to freeze and parts of New South Wales and Victoria have been hit by severe floods, it was forecast to be 36 degrees in the shade in Adelaide. I wouldn't know. There was no shade in the Barmy Army section.

Once again the day was England's by a country mile. Despite captain Strauss again unwisely electing to leave a straight ball in the first over, Cook, Trott and Pietersen handed out a batting masterclass to the hapless Aussie attack (of whom the spinner Xavier Doherty would have collected the "most hapless" award). England have now scored over 800 runs in their last two innings for the loss of only three wickets. This surely comes as close to complete and humiliating domination by England's batsmen as there has ever been against top-line Test opponents - let alone away from home against Australia in an Ashes series.

My prediction for tomorrow is that England will bat on for another two sessions to reach 550 and with the Australians physically and mentally drained after two hot days in the field, there will be some Aussie wickets to fall before the close.

Tonight's going to be a good good night

Adelaide Day 1: Australia 245, England 1-0

The summer storms of the last few days had cleared away and a cloudless sky greeted the first day of the Adelaide Test match.

Over breakfast I was amused to read The Australian newspaper's annoyance at the latest "tweet" from England batsman Kevin Pietersen, who had dared to criticise the Adelaide ground staff for failing to cover the practice wickets from the heavy showers. Apparently it was just not on for any England player to whinge about the weather in Australia - "even if he is South African".

England's start to this match will live long in the memory. In the very first over, Australia lost Katich (run out without facing) and Ponting (caught first ball), then Clarke departed not long after. 2 runs for 3 wickets. Even the Barmy Army seemed shocked into (relative) silence and only started to rectify this much later in the day.

Australia then gritted out a response (that man Hussey again) which promised more than it ultimately delivered. After four hours of play during which only two more wickets fell, the last session belonged again to England. If England's 260 batting first at Brisbane was considered 100 below par, Australia's 245 here appears even further adrift on a flawless batting surface.

A good day for England which could yet prove very important in the context of the series. Fuelled by the optimism of spending a day in the ranks of the Barmy Army (or maybe just by the huge quantities of lager consumed), I'm backing England to press on tomorrow and overtake the Aussies' total for the loss of only a few wickets.

200 years of English cooking (but the oysters were great)

On the final leg of my journey to Adelaide and by now entirely insomniac, I dipped into Bill Bryson's entertaining account of his various trips to Australia (thanks Karina). As a keen historian, Bryson gives some fascinating insights into the original colonisation of Australia and the inherent conflict this created with the indigenous population, the aborigines, a conflict which persists to this day. He also recounts how the first convict ships sent by the British government (following the directions laid down on a previous voyage of discovery by the legendary Captain James Cook) arrived in Botany Bay only a short time before two French ships skippered by a Count de la Pérouse. As Bryson observes: "Had La Pérouse been just a little faster, he could have claimed Australia for France and saved the country from 200 years of English cooking".

My first act of note after arriving in Adelaide was to have lunch with my university friend Sally on a sun-filled terrace overlooking the River Torrens (as opposed to the Adelaide River, which is a crocodile-infested river in the Northern Territories). It wasn't sun-filled for long. In fact it rained. Quite hard. But it was very warm rain (you have to look on the bright side when you have come from temperatures of minus 5). And as you might expect, the Coffin Bay oysters were to die for....

Today it's hot and sunny, with temperatures of 35 promised for the weekend. It seems normal service has been resumed in time for the start of the 2nd Test match tomorrow. With a keen sense of anticipation, I took the short stroll across the river to the Adelaide Oval, renowned (quite rightly) as one of the world's most picturesque cricket arenas. There I was fortunate enough to catch the end of the England batting practice, presided over by a very stern-looking Andy Flower and a larger than life but equally inscrutable Graham Gooch. These guys really mean business. Suitably encouraged, I'm going for an England win here in Adelaide.